Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
