I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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