Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
