OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
