I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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