She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
