Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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