i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
