Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize