Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize