after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize