do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
