I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize