I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
