Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
