I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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