Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
