After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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