So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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