Hey man sorry I got all grabby
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
