? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
