Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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