he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're a waste of cheezeits
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
