2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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