I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
