every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
