there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
