I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
