someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
