i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
