I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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