Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
