FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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