He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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