My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
