remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
