Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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