I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
