Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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