apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
