dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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