I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
