wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
