Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
