I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
