dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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