I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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