He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
