i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
