I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
