can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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