Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
