Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
