it was like his penis was on wheels.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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