he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize