Someone shit on the floor
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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