Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
