My room smells like vodka and shame
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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