You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
